Welcome to Pretzel Shack
by fritzer
Summary: Kai gets a job! gasps Read the hilarity! AU. No pairings. Random and thought up out of boredom.


Karmic-Insomniac: Hello! This is my first story since I completely redid my profile! I'm really bad at finishing stuff so I'm only writing one-shots for now. Lol.

WARNING: Slightly OOC Kai. That's basically it.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ebay or Beyblade. If I did-well, let's just say it wouldn't be for 7 year olds anymore. I do own Pretzel Shack, though! Yay, Pretzel Shack!

* * *

**Welcome to Pretzel Shack**

"Welcome to Pretzel Shack. My I take your order?"

Kai was in a very bad mood. Why, you may ask? For one thing, he was working at PRETZEL SHACK for God's sake! Pretzel Shack! What kind of person wastes their money and time going to PRETZEL place?

Apparently, a lot of teenagers did. A lot of post-pubescent-pimple-covered-voice- cracking high enough to shatter windows teenagers. That and blonde cheerleaders/bordering psychotic fangirls with larger fists then brains.

"You're really hot," one such girl sighed dreamily.

Kai resisted the urge to twitch. "Welcome to Pretzel Shack. May I take your order?"

She sighed dreamily, not even blinking.

"Welcome to Pretzel Shack. May I take your order?"

She swooned and fell over, unconscious on the ground.

Why did this have to happen? Oh yeah, Tyson.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"Hey Kai, didn't you say were looking for a job?" Tyson, his college roommate asked one night a few weeks ago.

"Yeah. So?"

"I saw a help wanted sign for Pretzel Shack!"

"What in God's name is Pretzel Shack?"

Tyson gasped, reeling backwards. "Kai! I'm surprised! Even for you, this is sad! How can you not what the wondrous Pretzel Shack?"

"Just that."

"It's got a dental plan!"

**END FLASHBACK**

* * *

Damn that stupid dental plan.

A wavy-haired girl with glasses stepped over the unconscious cheerleader's body with a look of disgust.

"I hate you and everything you stand for!" she exclaimed, pointing accusingly.

"…..Why?"

"Because you represent the air-headed jocks of our modern day society that every girl within a two mile radius just HAS to fall in love with!"

"I. Am. Not. A. Jock."

"Oh, of COURSE you aren't."

He twitched. "Welcome to Pretzel Shack. May I take your order?"

"No! You've defiled the sacred name of Pretzel Shack and I refuse to endorse your eeeeeevil name!"

"Then-why did you even come in here?"

She paused, processing the question. "I-don't really know, actually." For a moment she just stood there and stared at him. "Um-I guess I'll be leaving then."

Giving the body a defiant kick, she left the Pretzel Shack. Kai was quite sure she was the one spray-painting 'BOYCOTT ATTRACTIVE PRETZEL SHACK EMPLOYEES!'

Damn his sex appeal.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"But, why do I have to work the register?" Kai demanded the previous day. He liked making the pretzel and secretly eating them. Why did he have to sell them?

"Be-_cause_," the nerdy, assistant manager drawled, fidgeting with his clip-on tie. Stupid tie. "You have 'sex appeal', unlike the other 'less attractive' he made the bunny hand gestures with that employees."

"…….Why do you know that?"

"Know what?"

"That I have sex appeal."

Oh….ummm….OH MY GOD THE PRETZEL MACHINE IS ON FIRE!" He immediately ran out the side door.

O-okay, that was mildly disturbing.

**END FLASHBACK**

* * *

**NEXT WEEK**

* * *

"Welcome to Pretzel Shack. May I take your order?"

"I want YOU, Pretzel Boy!"

"Not on the menu. Welcome to Pretzel Shack. May I take your order?"

"Will you marry me, Pretzel Boy?"

"No."

"Why?"

"You're calling me Pretzel Boy. Isn't that reason enough?"

"Um-no?"

"Wrong answer."

* * *

"Welcome to Pretzel Shack. May I take your order?"

"Yes, I would like-"

Damn it, they figured out how to make him talk more. Now he would actually have to converse with them!

"Alright."

"Pretzel Boy, I was wondering…." the girl, a short haired brunette, trailed off.

"_What?"_

"We-ell, are you gay?"

"….WHAT?"

"Are you gay?" she repeated quite seriously.

"NO!"

"Oh," she said sadly and turned away.

Watching, he saw her saying something to a boy with bright red hair shaped like wings as they both sadly walked off.

"Eeeeeeew….."

* * *

**ANOTHER WEEK LATER**

"Um, Kai," the assistant manager said one morning nervously, clipping and unclipping his tie. "I need to tell you something very important…."

Kai had a very bad feeling about this. "What?"

"We-ell…."

"I don't have all day!"

"Um….you're fired."

THAT made Kai falter.

"I'm-what?"

"I'm sorry, Mr.Hiwitari, but nobody's really buying anything anymore. They're all to preoccupied with-well-you. And, it's not like you're not doing you're job o anything but-" Kai stopped him mid-babble.

"Do I get my paycheck?"

"….Yes."

"Well, okay then."

Once out of the evil pretzel place and safely outside, he jumped into the air, yelling happily, "I'M FREEEE FROM THE PRETZEL HELLHOLE!"

"Hey, look it's Pretzel Boy!"

"Oh my god, let's totally get him!"

"Yeah, let's take his clothes and sell them on Ebay!"

"YAY EBAY!"

"Oh shit…."

* * *

**END**

* * *

KI: Did you like it? Please tell me so I know how to improve myself. It's what I live for.

And now for some shameless advertising: READ SUGAR AND STEEL DON'T MIX! Pokemon You'll laugh your arses off even if you've never played any of the games or watched the show!


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